[ He takes a drag from his half-smoked stick and kills it on the rail before slipping it into the empty first pack that he keeps around to collect the butts in. It's a habit from his days as a cadet in Kodiak working on the proving grounds as a junior j-tech. Pilot or not, the instructors at the Jaeger Academy were hardasses who were particular about keeping them all in line You're free to smoke but your work stations are to be treated like your personal space, so if you shit in your space then what you are is disgusting.
He'd had a suspicion that she might have known something about the kid's disappearance, and when he walks over he reaches out to cup the back of her neck with the hand he didn't hold the cigarette with before he presses a kiss to her forehead.
She looks a little bit sick with guilt and worry. ] I think that the kid needed space, and he wasn't going to get it here.
[ They are the hardest words he's ever had to say because Raleigh's older brother was his best friend and Yancy's gone, buried at the bottom of the Pacific because the ocean was too greedy to give his body back to them. ] I want to believe that he'll come back, but the chances of that are slim.
[ He notes then how she continues to pick at her nails and feels his heart go out to her. ] Hey, hey. [ He takes both of her hands in his. threads his fingers through hers and watches her face, his voice soft, gentle. ] None of that, gorgeous.
If you need to hold onto something, hold onto me instead.
[ she can't help but smile when he laces their fingers together and says that. it's just so corny. she's got no idea how he can say it and make it sound like more than just a cheesy line, but somehow he does. ]
How can I resist an offer like that?
[ she unlinks their hands just so she can wrap her arms around tendo's middle and rest her head on his shoulder. it's nice to just be held for a little while. the past few weeks have just been awful. between yancy dying, worrying about raleigh in the hospital, worrying about raleigh out of the hospital... well. alison's ready for a break from the gloominess that seems to envelope everything recently. ]
He's got a phone. He's got our numbers. Maybe he'll call when he's got his head on a little straighter.
[ she doesn't really believe it, but she can't help but hold on to the hope that maybe someday he will. who knows if holding on to that hope will be a bad idea in the long run. who cares. right now, she just needs to hold onto it to keep herself from worrying too much. ]
[ He turns his head to rest his chin lightly in her hair. This way, she can't see the look that passes over his face, a hint of grief mixed with relief and a little bit of frustration that he pushes back and tries to keep under wraps.
( Raleigh, what the hell, kid, I thought we were family. )
His arms come around Alison's shoulders then, torso all but curling around her before he presses a kiss to her cheek. They're like that for a good long while, standing above the bustle of repairs, just holding on to each other.
It's been a rough week and he just really wants a do-over, not that it's actually possible, but that doesn't stop him from wishing that it were. ]
[ as sad, and somewhat frustrating, as this moment is, it's still a moment. being in tendo's arms is quickly becoming one of alison's favorite things. as such, she's loathe to break the silence that's fallen between them. but she really needs to. ]
I'm sorry I didn't call you. [ when she was helping raleigh escape the hospital, she means. ] There was probably a moment in the midst of everything [ in the midst of her worrying and trying not to psyche herself out ] that I could have.
[ she's sorry for not telling him earlier too, though she doesn't know if that would have allayed his worries any. maybe they would've made them worse. but either way, he deserved to know what was up with the remaining becket. they were family to each other, weren't they?
( maybe it's a good thing tendo didn't get to see the uncaring and unfazed mess raleigh was. ) ]
[ His arms tighten around her in a reassuring squeeze. He's kind of really glad she didn't call him. Because if she did, he'd've had to tell the Marshal. And that would have been a mess. ] You did what you needed to do.
[ There's a pause, before he adds: ] Babe, you did good. I would have had to report in if I'd known. [ There's a part of him that wants to go after the kid. To march straight up to Pentecost to demand why the search has been stopped does this mean that you know where he is, sir? Why are we letting a Ranger off on his own, what happened to 'leave no man behind'?
He presses his nose to her forehead. ] Don't beat yourself up over it, 'kay?
That's why I didn't say anything. [ if raleigh was going to get out, he needed to get out. not get dragged back to the ppdc where he was sure to have a breakdown. at least now he gets pressure off him and can grieve in his own way, on his own time.
alison tilts her head up to press a soft kiss to tendo's lips. ] I'll try not to. [ but it's hard not to when she's worried about him.
he said he wasn't going to kill himself, and she believes him about that. but what happens if he just wastes away? forgets to eat and then one day wakes up in the afterlife? would that be her fault, or would it be inevitable? ]
[ They're j-techs, not pilots, and neither of them have ever set foot in the Drift, but Tendo knows Alison well enough to know where her mind is going, how the guilt and the worry manifest.
So when they pull back from the kiss, he catches her chin and leans his forehead to hers because he can't bring himself to say: Ali, sometimes, people leave because they have to, or they have no choice but to go because staying usually worse. ] Try is good. Try is always good.
[ he is much too good to her. the understanding and comfort he gives so freely is something alison doesn't think she will ever stop marveling at. especially because she knows it's not just because they're dating. even when they were just friends and she was seeing someone else, he was one like this.
she leans into his embrace and her mind thinks back to the night when they thought they had lost both of the beckets. she not sure why that comes to the forefront of her thoughts, but it does. and thinking on it and on him makes her mumur, ] You are a very easy person to love, you know that?
[ it's a bit of a subject change and it's... not exactly an i love you. alison's not ready for that, not sure if she ever will be. falling in love is kind of a terrifying prospect. but she does love tendo in one way or another. ( falling for him someday might not be so bad, but she doesn't think of that ever. nope. ) and she doesn't think she can say thank you, and i really care a lot about you, you know, and i'm glad i have you without things getting way too emotional for a conversation in public. ]
[ the statement actually takes him by surprise. because it's something the beckets used to say whenever they were just hanging out and having fun and he'd say something to make the two of them trade a look and all he could do was roll his eyes and say it's impolite to whisper in the presence of guests. ]
Love's easy. It's people who're complicated, really.
[ people have always been easy for alison. she's an extrovert and a conversationalist. understanding people and getting along with them is something she's always had a knack for. and the people that she didn't quite get along with? well, they rolled off her back like water. but loving people and caring about them enough to let them closer than arms length away... that's been difficult for her over the years. especially after trespasser.
that's a big part of why yancy's death and raleigh leaving has shaken her up so much. in the aftermath, she's not sure if she wants someone to hold on to or if she wants to push everyone away. having tendo around has been a blessing in that she doesn't really have to make that decision. alison gets the feeling he wouldn't leave her alone for too long if she pushed, and she doesn't feel right just leaving him to his grief. the give and take between them is keeping her afloat. ]
Will you come over tonight? [ if he's going to be around, she wants to take advantage of the fact that she can actually hold on to him. cuddle time is something she could use right about now. ]
[ damn right, he'd go after her if she pushed him away, because tendo's good at reading people if they mean enough for him to want to. and alison? she really means a whole lot. ]
Do you want me to come over tonight? [ he looks down just then, his arms still wrapped around her. because if she wants him to, he's there in a heartbeat. ( she's not the only one who needs someone to hold onto in an attempt to right the world again. ) ] How is this even an actual question? [ the words are light, joking. ]
Yes, I want you to come over. [ it feels a little bit like a confession. or maybe a little like standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down. and if her fingers tighten over the fabric of tendo's shirt, well. she trust that he gets it. he certainly knows her well enough that he should. ]
I just-- [ she pauses, bites her lower lip. there's probably no need to elaborate on this, now that she thinks about it. she can just say "come over" and he's obviously going to come. but since she's started, she sort of needs to continue and say something. ] It's nice. Waking up with you. [ she could get used to it. ]
[ he gets it. and he's game to go however slow she wants.
tendo presses a kiss to her forehead, lingers a little, because holding her has always been very, very nice. ] It's nice waking up beside you. [ it's a confession right back, and if you need to back up from that cliff, darling, all you need to do is hold his hand. he's got you. ]
[ the tension she's been carrying around since she broke raleigh out of the hospital slowly seeps out of her as she leans into tendo's embrace. the clock on the wall says she's doesn't have much more time before she's going to have to get back to work, but she's going to enjoy every minute she's got left with him. ]
Maybe I should buy you a toothbrush. [ to keep in her room, she means. since he's over there quite a bit. ]
[ he feels her sink into his arms and he follows suit in terms of relaxing. because he always takes his cue from her. he's got this one, odd favorite song ( recommended by one of his j-tech buddies based in hong kong who'd moved there after it was pretty clear that there wouldn't be a shatterdome set up in manila ) that went something to the effect of 'she's the heroine and i would love to be her leading man'. cheesy shit. you know, the kind that he likes. it's like that with alison sometimes. ]
Maybe you should. [ it's not a push, per se. just him testing the give. ]
[ after a long pause, she quietly says, ] Maybe I will.
[ it'll take her some time to actually do it--it feels a little too much like real commitment. like a bond she could lose. but whether or not she gets him a toothbrush, the relationship is still there so better to take the plunge than pretend that this thing with them isn't happening. ]
I need to get back to work in a minute... [ but she really doesn't want to go. ]
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He'd had a suspicion that she might have known something about the kid's disappearance, and when he walks over he reaches out to cup the back of her neck with the hand he didn't hold the cigarette with before he presses a kiss to her forehead.
She looks a little bit sick with guilt and worry. ] I think that the kid needed space, and he wasn't going to get it here.
[ They are the hardest words he's ever had to say because Raleigh's older brother was his best friend and Yancy's gone, buried at the bottom of the Pacific because the ocean was too greedy to give his body back to them. ] I want to believe that he'll come back, but the chances of that are slim.
[ He notes then how she continues to pick at her nails and feels his heart go out to her. ] Hey, hey. [ He takes both of her hands in his. threads his fingers through hers and watches her face, his voice soft, gentle. ] None of that, gorgeous.
If you need to hold onto something, hold onto me instead.
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How can I resist an offer like that?
[ she unlinks their hands just so she can wrap her arms around tendo's middle and rest her head on his shoulder. it's nice to just be held for a little while. the past few weeks have just been awful. between yancy dying, worrying about raleigh in the hospital, worrying about raleigh out of the hospital... well. alison's ready for a break from the gloominess that seems to envelope everything recently. ]
He's got a phone. He's got our numbers. Maybe he'll call when he's got his head on a little straighter.
[ she doesn't really believe it, but she can't help but hold on to the hope that maybe someday he will. who knows if holding on to that hope will be a bad idea in the long run. who cares. right now, she just needs to hold onto it to keep herself from worrying too much. ]
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( Raleigh, what the hell, kid, I thought we were family. )
His arms come around Alison's shoulders then, torso all but curling around her before he presses a kiss to her cheek. They're like that for a good long while, standing above the bustle of repairs, just holding on to each other.
It's been a rough week and he just really wants a do-over, not that it's actually possible, but that doesn't stop him from wishing that it were. ]
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I'm sorry I didn't call you. [ when she was helping raleigh escape the hospital, she means. ] There was probably a moment in the midst of everything [ in the midst of her worrying and trying not to psyche herself out ] that I could have.
[ she's sorry for not telling him earlier too, though she doesn't know if that would have allayed his worries any. maybe they would've made them worse. but either way, he deserved to know what was up with the remaining becket. they were family to each other, weren't they?
( maybe it's a good thing tendo didn't get to see the uncaring and unfazed mess raleigh was. ) ]
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[ There's a pause, before he adds: ] Babe, you did good. I would have had to report in if I'd known. [ There's a part of him that wants to go after the kid. To march straight up to Pentecost to demand why the search has been stopped does this mean that you know where he is, sir? Why are we letting a Ranger off on his own, what happened to 'leave no man behind'?
He presses his nose to her forehead. ] Don't beat yourself up over it, 'kay?
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alison tilts her head up to press a soft kiss to tendo's lips. ] I'll try not to. [ but it's hard not to when she's worried about him.
he said he wasn't going to kill himself, and she believes him about that. but what happens if he just wastes away? forgets to eat and then one day wakes up in the afterlife? would that be her fault, or would it be inevitable? ]
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So when they pull back from the kiss, he catches her chin and leans his forehead to hers because he can't bring himself to say: Ali, sometimes, people leave because they have to, or they have no choice but to go because staying usually worse. ] Try is good. Try is always good.
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she leans into his embrace and her mind thinks back to the night when they thought they had lost both of the beckets. she not sure why that comes to the forefront of her thoughts, but it does. and thinking on it and on him makes her mumur, ] You are a very easy person to love, you know that?
[ it's a bit of a subject change and it's... not exactly an i love you. alison's not ready for that, not sure if she ever will be. falling in love is kind of a terrifying prospect. but she does love tendo in one way or another. ( falling for him someday might not be so bad, but she doesn't think of that ever. nope. ) and she doesn't think she can say thank you, and i really care a lot about you, you know, and i'm glad i have you without things getting way too emotional for a conversation in public. ]
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Love's easy. It's people who're complicated, really.
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[ people have always been easy for alison. she's an extrovert and a conversationalist. understanding people and getting along with them is something she's always had a knack for. and the people that she didn't quite get along with? well, they rolled off her back like water. but loving people and caring about them enough to let them closer than arms length away... that's been difficult for her over the years. especially after trespasser.
that's a big part of why yancy's death and raleigh leaving has shaken her up so much. in the aftermath, she's not sure if she wants someone to hold on to or if she wants to push everyone away. having tendo around has been a blessing in that she doesn't really have to make that decision. alison gets the feeling he wouldn't leave her alone for too long if she pushed, and she doesn't feel right just leaving him to his grief. the give and take between them is keeping her afloat. ]
Will you come over tonight? [ if he's going to be around, she wants to take advantage of the fact that she can actually hold on to him. cuddle time is something she could use right about now. ]
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Do you want me to come over tonight? [ he looks down just then, his arms still wrapped around her. because if she wants him to, he's there in a heartbeat. ( she's not the only one who needs someone to hold onto in an attempt to right the world again. ) ] How is this even an actual question? [ the words are light, joking. ]
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I just-- [ she pauses, bites her lower lip. there's probably no need to elaborate on this, now that she thinks about it. she can just say "come over" and he's obviously going to come. but since she's started, she sort of needs to continue and say something. ] It's nice. Waking up with you. [ she could get used to it. ]
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tendo presses a kiss to her forehead, lingers a little, because holding her has always been very, very nice. ] It's nice waking up beside you. [ it's a confession right back, and if you need to back up from that cliff, darling, all you need to do is hold his hand. he's got you. ]
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Maybe I should buy you a toothbrush. [ to keep in her room, she means. since he's over there quite a bit. ]
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Maybe you should. [ it's not a push, per se. just him testing the give. ]
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[ it'll take her some time to actually do it--it feels a little too much like real commitment. like a bond she could lose. but whether or not she gets him a toothbrush, the relationship is still there so better to take the plunge than pretend that this thing with them isn't happening. ]
I need to get back to work in a minute... [ but she really doesn't want to go. ]