[ fear grips her heart like a vise. a cold fist clenched around her insides and stealing her breath. for a brief moment, she has no idea why he's asking this because they were okay, right? he was kissing her, they'd talked things through. they're okay, and they're going to be okay. what does it matter if she had some feelings for yancy becket that she'd never managed to puzzle out?

but if he needs to know this, then... she can tell him. even if she's needs a moment to think of the answer herself. did she have feelings for yancy? yes, she did. but in her head, the affair was just physical. they fucked and they sent longing looks at each other across rooms but they never acted on the emotion. though the emotion is probably what drove them into the fucking in the first place, so maybe it's not fair to say it was just physical.

she gives her head a little shake and looks down as she answers. ] I care about him a lot. He would be easy to love and that--it made it easier to fall into bed with him.

[ except that doesn't really answer the question. not in a way that feels satisfactory to her. she rubs her free hand over her face and the looks she gives tendo is confused and helpless. it's an awful feeling and she hates it, it's so unlike what she usually is, but that's what she's feeling right now. ]

There was something there. [ is something there still though who knows if it'll stick around when she and yancy see each other again. they haven't since alison told tendo about the affair. ] For both of us. But hell if I can tell you what it was.