[ of course she doesn't know how to box and label her feelings for yancy. most days she can still barely comprehend that yes, it is actually possible to love a person as much as she loves her husband. and no, she did not lose all ability to create new, deep relationships with people after trespasser like she feared she might have for a while.
but tendo understands her perfectly and that's what really matters. that and the way that he holds her and kisses her and reassures her that it's okay. how on earth did she get so lucky? how did she manage to find this man and make him fall in love with her? and how can he stand there and tell her it's okay, he loves yancy too, like it's no big deal? like things could work out in one way or another between the three of them because there's enough love there. and it's okay that she loves yancy a little.
her vision blurs and she blinks to clear it. suddenly, she's crying. but it's not really a bad cry. not entirely, anyways. as she leans into tendo's chest and wraps her arms around him tight she realizes that she hasn't cried for herself since this whole thing started. oh, she cried when tendo left. but that was more out of guilt for hurting him than anything else. these tears now are tears of confusion and frustration. she doesn't understand how she can love two people, and she's felt like there's a part of her that's been pulled tight between two poles to the point of fraying. these are tears of relief because it's okay that she feels like that. tendo understands--really understands and he's still here, he's not leaving, and it's okay. ]
I love you. And I love him a little. [ it feels nice to be able to admit that out loud. even if it's wetly mumbled into the fabric of tendo's shirt. ] But I'm not moving to Utah.
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but tendo understands her perfectly and that's what really matters. that and the way that he holds her and kisses her and reassures her that it's okay. how on earth did she get so lucky? how did she manage to find this man and make him fall in love with her? and how can he stand there and tell her it's okay, he loves yancy too, like it's no big deal? like things could work out in one way or another between the three of them because there's enough love there. and it's okay that she loves yancy a little.
her vision blurs and she blinks to clear it. suddenly, she's crying. but it's not really a bad cry. not entirely, anyways. as she leans into tendo's chest and wraps her arms around him tight she realizes that she hasn't cried for herself since this whole thing started. oh, she cried when tendo left. but that was more out of guilt for hurting him than anything else. these tears now are tears of confusion and frustration. she doesn't understand how she can love two people, and she's felt like there's a part of her that's been pulled tight between two poles to the point of fraying. these are tears of relief because it's okay that she feels like that. tendo understands--really understands and he's still here, he's not leaving, and it's okay. ]
I love you. And I love him a little. [ it feels nice to be able to admit that out loud. even if it's wetly mumbled into the fabric of tendo's shirt. ] But I'm not moving to Utah.